2005-08-26 - 9:57 a.m.
SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL, FEEL NO PAIN
(CAUSE WE KILLED ALL THEM EVIL INGRATE MUSLIMS.)
By Peter Fredson
A Slight Satire
August 26, 2005
I once lived in Texas and know what them Bush whacker critters in Crawford think. Fer instance:
Yeah, we brought them Iraqi bastards freedom and democracy, and got precious little thanks for it.
We did it with 140,000 soldiers, Humvees, helicopters, fighter jets, cruise missiles, heavy tanks, large cannon, grenades, automatic rifles and all that other peacemaking equipment our corporations are making billions of profit from. We did it by continually pointing our weapons at any Iraqi who dares to walk outside.
We did it by breaking down any door, day or night, demolishing the entire house, or running a tank through a small house to kill those stupid suckers inside.
It cost our taxpayers a hell of a lot but them Iraqis don’t appreciate it. It cost our soldiers a lot of blood, sweat and tears, but them Iraqis don’t seem to understand the sacrifices we went through in order to occupy their country and bring them the blessings of George Bush.
We did it with our policy of “shoot first and ask questions later” evolved originally in old Western shootouts. We did it with our proselytizing contractors who make more money than any one in the United States for similar work.
We did it by destroying their water system and electricity, roads and bridges, hospitals and schools, factories and markets and their stupid mosques. We did it in Fallujah where we killed hundreds of insurgents, bandits, thugs, who opposed our legitimate invasion and occupation, but we were forced to expend ammunition and time to kill several thousand women and children too, who don’t really count.
In fact, Bush thinks it is trivial to count civilian dead, and embarrassing to his “legacy” to show our own dead, maimed and wounded.
We started the whole wonderful invasion by promising to get Saddam out of office, and it only took a couple of months and the loss of life of some thousands of collaterals who had never done anything to us but were damned stupid Iraqis who got in the way of our operations.
And once we got Saddam in jail, we showed how smart we were by having President Bush and his neocons choose some Iraqi exiles and set them up with the understanding that if they didn’t do like he wanted, they were toast.
We promised to give sovereignty back to them, which we had taken from them, at the point of guns and bayonets, tanks and public relations people, missionaries, avid Christians, contractors with guns, and slyly gave ourselves immunity from prosecution for war crimes.
We held elections under our guns, under our rules, and declared that the Iraqis were now free under our jurisdiction and all the press sycophants shouted hallelujah, the Iraqis are free, by the grace of George the Second.
The only trouble is them ungrateful Iraqis resented our troops, weapons, death, destruction, fake sovereignty, occupation under extreme duress. So we gotta stay there and kill all them ingrates in self-defense until they agree to accept our freedom and democracy and declare George the Second the greatest Christian leader in history, next to Jesus.
We gotta “stay the course”, take over large parts of Iraq for permanent military bases from which we will invade Iran and Syria when we find a good pretext for preemptive action or can declare that their evil intentions represent an imminent danger to our way of life (which is peace, good-will, good-neighborliness, generosity, and willingness to arbitrate disputes.)
We gotta build a BIG embassy so the John Bolton clones can bully the rest of the world and launch death and destruction on anyone who dares challenge us.
We gotta stay in our BIG bases so that the military-industrialist corporations can continue to make huge profits from the sale of weapons, munitions, vehicles, planes, etc. You don’t really expect them to turn weapons into plough-shares, do you?
We gotta fight them THERE, or they will come to Hartford, Los Angeles, and Chicago with their heathen ways determined to make us worship their false god, because they hate freedom and democracy. And we sure don’t want them evil Muslims invading Washington to mess up the good life of True Believers and neocons.
That might force the Senators and their children to join the army and defend our country, and that just ain’t right.
By the way, we ain’t giving them back that oil we took, not until we drain every last drop of it for ourselves.
So, Cindy go back where you come from, shut up and let us get on with our invasion and occupation by “brave boys” that you are putting in danger by criticizing us.
Don’t dishonor our dead by implying that the Commander-in-Chief lied to start this war, or that Dick Cheney did it for oil, or Karl Rove for kicks.
Don’t spoil our war, like you spoiled George’s vacation. Let him get on with his life, even if his dead soldiers have no more life to get on with.
Them's the breaks!
